vernichten

slowly melting into the immense, charmingly smooth, colourless, textureless (does that actually exist?) nothing.
just trying my best to put an impression into words.
wondering why I feel the need to do so.
my attempt at expressing myself will have to fail utterly if I keep grasping this absurd idea I should try to stick to others' principles.



just about how I feel at this time of the year. this is like nothing else, completely indescribable, one huge impression of being worn away, but in a way that's neither painful nor revolting
like a drop of some colourful liquor dissolving in water.
it's just I've never wanted to be real this much, never been aware of my shortcomings of the past few years, aware of the unlucky soul I've developed, aware of the next to impossible nature of restoring things to their original state.


w h a t e v e r

you don't love me, big fucking deal
the problem is I was not born to be a psychopath, and -after all- have no intention to become one. I'm fed up with all you psychopaths, letting others bleed out and not even enjoying it, merely letting it happen because you have nothing better to amuse yourselves with.
I have some faint idea how a psyche like that could come about, I just don't get why you psychos are not open to be healed.
I don't assume we are born to be psychos. let me have my free will, let me be sane
I want to be sane, and I want to get others their sanity back.
I don't want to scream at night just to find myself waking up with puffy eyes and salty cheeks in the next afternoon, feeling the loneliest ever

if I can change you, I can change anything.
but I guess I keep overestimating my abilities all the time
too bad