never, all my life

ez a nap tökéletesen tükrözi az elmúlt öt évben felhalmozódott boldog fiú-kapcsolataimat.
it's a perfect day for letting go, elise

értem és értékelem a felszínt.
a tompaság természetes és szükséges: kell a túléléshez. 'drinking just to dull the pain'...
csak annyi kivétellel, hogy my head is in the clouds too, no feet on the ground, at all, and no pride left whatsoever because I've been humiliating and lowering myself as low as possible (and I still don't want you to go back under that rock..hope you won't), and I'm desperately trying to put myself to sleep but in the end, I'll just end up bursting out, HOW CAN YOU BE SO IGNORANT. have you ever cared? and what about my deviant ways. thing is I AM stifled, unlike you. and waiting so eagerly for you to come around..(to wish impossible things) still hope you're alright and just doing your regular thing not facing me.. mert muszáj valamennyire megőrülnöm ahhoz, hogy
ezt képes legyek elviselni. amikor már azt hinnéd, nem tudsz jobban megbomlani, kiderül, hogy mégis. micsoda mélységek!
nem segít a mínusz ötszáz kcal meg egészséges étkezés, nemdohányzom sokat satöbbi, belül megtört az egész,
és egyre inkább hasad szét. épen ezt nem lehet kibírni. nothing makes sense.

I tell you how I feel, but you don't care
I say tell me the truth, but you don't dare
You say love is a hell you cannot bear
And I say gimme mine back and then go there - for all I care
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds
And you're not at all what you seem
This mind, this body, and this voice
Cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise
I have never been so insulted in all my life
I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride
First you run like a fool just to be at my side
And now you run like a fool
But you just run to hide
And I can't abide
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds
And you're not at all what you seem
This mind, this body, and this voice
Cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise
Don't make it a big deal, don't be so sensitive
We're not playing a game anymore
You don't have to be so defensive
Don't you plead me your case, don't bother to explain
Don't even show me your face, 'cuz it's a crying shame
Just go back to the rock from under which you came
Take the sorrow you gave and all the stakes you claim -
And don't forget the blame
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds
And you're not at all what you seem
This mind, this body, and this voice
Cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise

a forma tükrözze a tartalmat, recurring, recurring, revisiting, rethinking, back to the start, nothing ever changes,
inner structures break up, no integration is allowed anymore, there has to be one secluded, isolated part that bears all the void, and as long as it's locked up, I am partly safe. but of course, it will either break out and take over the whole, or remain fractured - where is reality anymore? no reality. madness lies, lies, lies.

nem kéne sok, de
megfulladok