in peace

örülök
http://www.origo.hu/nagyvilag/20131127-ferenc-papa-szerint-a-kapitalizmus-az-uj-diktatura.html?sec-top

nem egyedül
http://index.hu/belfold/2013/11/27/ugy_erzem_hogy_beborit_a_mocsok/

vidd magaddal a mocskot, ne lássa senki. csak tudjam, hogy nem lesz belőlem is állat. kétségeim vannak.
van-e igazság egyáltalán

úgymond kognitív disszonancia. megtanulom megbékíteni a lekicsinylésemet a tetszéssel. az ízlés is lehet egyszerre kétféle
(nem bírom ezt a lányt, oh so fake. de ez a dal szépen hangzik nagyon.)
nem kell mindig a saját, amúgy is működésképtelen és végtelenül esetleges intellektuális önérzetnek megfelelni.

love x hate

#előzőhétvégém
#hétvégém
sokáig azt hittem, az örök érvényű kedvenc girls aloud-dalom a kajáról szól - tévedtem. (részben)
mekkora eredmény, hogy 23 éves koromra úgymond túlléptem a jóféle étkezési zavarodottságon, és most
van helyette egy reménytelenül pszichotikus kapcsolatom.

You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And every time you call him
All you get's a busy tone

#justinsayindatruth

passive aggressive

Passive
It was one of those sizzling summer days people just wonder what is to be done, but are too lazy and tired and hot to actually have something done. So it was decided by him that nothing was to be done for the rest of that week. Next week, that is said to be a different case, the weather will have been nicer by then. Until then, sweet idleness to be enjoyed. The next minute, the telephone was heard ringing by him, and was picked up afterwards in regular order: an informal suggestion was being conveyed by a friend that they should be joined by him soon for some activity of certain drinks to be had. Gone were the idle days.

Retrograde
It was time for action; he has had enough of laziness and boredom that week. Not long ago, a certain dear friend just called to say that the parents were out for a few days and there was plenty of home-made pálinka. He picked up the phone first, of course. After having heard it ringing, naturally. Just a minute before that incident, he was completely convinced he would spend the week at home, in peace with the realisation that that week was not the week for any activity, but the next one. Anyway, it was so hot and sizzling – a typical day when one just walks around wondering what to do, but eventually sleeps through the day and goes out in the night.

Asides
The weather being terribly hot, he has come to the conclusion that he would rest rather than exhausting himself with useless activities. Similar modes of behaviour could be observed in, for example, winter, when the cold and frozen state of things simply deterred him from going out. Or take spring, for instance, the debilitating singing of the birds, blossoming of the flowers...Autumn is not even worth mentioning with its depressive and capricious disposition. Besides, it never hurts to take an activity to an artistic level. So of course, he was doing nothing out of intention, because that was exactly what he wanted. Then comes the phone ringing, the kind invitation to the usual gathering that leaves everyone pleased. And with memory losses of varying severity. He packed up his things and got on the way. What difference a minute makes.

never, all my life

ez a nap tökéletesen tükrözi az elmúlt öt évben felhalmozódott boldog fiú-kapcsolataimat.
it's a perfect day for letting go, elise

értem és értékelem a felszínt.
a tompaság természetes és szükséges: kell a túléléshez. 'drinking just to dull the pain'...
csak annyi kivétellel, hogy my head is in the clouds too, no feet on the ground, at all, and no pride left whatsoever because I've been humiliating and lowering myself as low as possible (and I still don't want you to go back under that rock..hope you won't), and I'm desperately trying to put myself to sleep but in the end, I'll just end up bursting out, HOW CAN YOU BE SO IGNORANT. have you ever cared? and what about my deviant ways. thing is I AM stifled, unlike you. and waiting so eagerly for you to come around..(to wish impossible things) still hope you're alright and just doing your regular thing not facing me.. mert muszáj valamennyire megőrülnöm ahhoz, hogy
ezt képes legyek elviselni. amikor már azt hinnéd, nem tudsz jobban megbomlani, kiderül, hogy mégis. micsoda mélységek!
nem segít a mínusz ötszáz kcal meg egészséges étkezés, nemdohányzom sokat satöbbi, belül megtört az egész,
és egyre inkább hasad szét. épen ezt nem lehet kibírni. nothing makes sense.

I tell you how I feel, but you don't care
I say tell me the truth, but you don't dare
You say love is a hell you cannot bear
And I say gimme mine back and then go there - for all I care
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds
And you're not at all what you seem
This mind, this body, and this voice
Cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise
I have never been so insulted in all my life
I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride
First you run like a fool just to be at my side
And now you run like a fool
But you just run to hide
And I can't abide
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds
And you're not at all what you seem
This mind, this body, and this voice
Cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise
Don't make it a big deal, don't be so sensitive
We're not playing a game anymore
You don't have to be so defensive
Don't you plead me your case, don't bother to explain
Don't even show me your face, 'cuz it's a crying shame
Just go back to the rock from under which you came
Take the sorrow you gave and all the stakes you claim -
And don't forget the blame
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds
And you're not at all what you seem
This mind, this body, and this voice
Cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise

a forma tükrözze a tartalmat, recurring, recurring, revisiting, rethinking, back to the start, nothing ever changes,
inner structures break up, no integration is allowed anymore, there has to be one secluded, isolated part that bears all the void, and as long as it's locked up, I am partly safe. but of course, it will either break out and take over the whole, or remain fractured - where is reality anymore? no reality. madness lies, lies, lies.

nem kéne sok, de
megfulladok

a + m

"According to the current way of
thinking (or not-thinking), it seems that if we are to enjoy anything then we must not
have to think about it, and, conversely, if we are to think about anything, then we
mustn't enjoy it. This is a calamitous and idiotic division of functions." B.W., Q.

...

annyira utálok mindenkit, aki boldog. annyira sajnálom, hogy utálok mindenkit, aki boldog. mármint
szégyellem-sajnálom.
az undorító boldog, számíthatunk-egymásra-családok, fuj, nem is részletezem, mert tényleg nagyon szégyellem, de akkor is.
azért amikor boldognak hiszem magam, örülök másoknak. néha.

szép dolgokra támaszkodom, csak az segít.
aaaa ez a lány a legszebb.
meg a csáp-galaxisok (ötletem sincs), és ma kicsit primitív vagyok. ma...
amúgy utálok mások képeivel babrálni :(
még mindig képlékeny a gondolat, hogy felmegyek-e egy hegyre, lejönni tündérként...
a nap első felében mindig ez van a fejemben, hogy 'can't take another day', aztán
belefásulok, és rendben lesz minden. mint egy kis egysejtű, így az öt lépcsős piramis
mínusz egyedik szintjén.
her mind brooding solitary... - már megint.

a world entirely of her own

THIS IS EXCELLENTLY WRITTEN, BUT YOU HAVEN’T QUITE FOLLOWED THE RUBRIC OF THE TASK. YOU HAVE TREATED THE OPENING LINE METATEXTUALLY, AND COMMENTED ON IT INSTEAD OF CONTINUING IT.

HOWEVER, IT REALLY WAS EXCELLENTLY EXPRESSED. SOMEHOW I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT IT IS AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL… IF IT ISN’T, THEN YOU MANAGE TO CONVEY SOMEONE ELSE’S FEELINGS VERY WELL INDEED.


I'm not good at others + I'm narcissistic, so I guess that leaves me with the first option and with an impression that the reader is s o m e w h a t better at others (that's a challange, haha).

I am my own medium, there is nothing outside of that.
only creation from the self

ányesz összesbe

böbsinyek, egy csepp kávé sincs.
meg még átthinkolom, mi.
visszavihetnéd a boros üvegeket is.
mondjuk szörpitörpis most nincs.
nem tudom, mi van velem..fáradt vagyok..

lolci.
és akkor merjen valaki csodálkozni a nyelvi
kirohanásaimon.

update pontosan egy órával későbbről:

-meózd be!
-?
-mondom meózd be!
-? ne húzzam le?...
-...így mondták régen, az átkosban.

krévelnivaló

olyan csini vagy, mindjárt sírok.
és kapok dolgokat

new additions

az egyik legcukibb dolog az, mikor a tököcske bekukucskál az ablakon. bizti kréveli a jóféle felhős, steve-es könyvet.
a most intriguing..szlájt modifikációra szorul, amennyiben ezentúl hatáskörébe tartozik közvetlen környéke is.
'most intriguing objects in / within the threshold of the immediate surroungings of various university bins'
it should be.

ecstatic sounds

ezek még nyár, tajtékos napok

beautiful boyz

aztakurva
tudtam én, hogy valami van itt a háttérben
megcsapott a bálványimádás bűvkörének szele - ismét

you'd better look alive

the downsides, the coarse, the revolting, the real

the most intriguing

one-legged crabs

the usual awe

the same people in a decade

you

me

me chasing you (just the usual stuff)

the usual non-existence

skin looking youthful, breasts already hanging, wtf

'pretence'

xx

vagy

vagy

baby's got the bends

I have been wanting to capture this gwen copycat for such a long time...'once was a magical place, over time it was lost'

art from the heart. that place used to be more fun

and he called me by the proper name people had used to call me before making up weirder and weirder versions. got well shocked for a moment

the most intriguing going strong

high school life going strong

far below sea level

visiting fancy chandelierred fancy places

got self-made kefír