left - middle - right
up - middle - down
it all comes full circle.
plus, it's all negative. it's only deeper and backwards instead of half-superficial and forward.
not that I had that much interest in the shallow, but still. just a little lighter.
plus, I've never been dubbed as 'the pretty but not so smart one', now having experienced it, which is
not even ridiculous but almost absurd, can I be, please, either a careless imbecile sort of person, or a careless smart person who is not willing to prove herself at any price, or a smart person who manages to prove herself without
putting particular effort into it and not thinking about others' judgement.
dilemmas piling up.
I'm done, it's written everywhere
versions, how sophisticated
happy + meal, and me being a pseudo-health nut
pretty little angel
clearly, there's change. just change with no real progress - nothing comes to mind.
the bad thing about images is that they're basically w h a t t h e y a r e, images, and should't be treated
as reality. should'nt be regarded as more and prettier than reality. they're part-real, partly imagination, and not at all larger than life, nor more gracious. they don't smell for example. so they won't stink but won't have the fragrance of burberry london or jasmine noir either. I should remind myself of this every time I fall for them. idealisation, idolisation. and authorised madness. I have to get myself some kind of licence.
adolescence didn't make sense, a little loss of innocence / the ugliness of being a fool, ain't youth meant to be beautiful?
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