i'm a bit in trouble here.
should have got used to it, though, it has happened quite a few times before.
the experience of finding myself truly deeply touched and amazed by someone and their actions towards me. their goodness and caring. when someone really cares.
the only thing bugging me is that i feel like i don't live up to those expectations cause i feel sorry for myself and keep on consoling myself in all the wrong ways, keep on tranquilising myself so inappropiately and i'm so ashamed and aware of this weakness and hidden filth, at the same time i feel like there's no way to express it, thus it remains disclosed, leaving you thinking that i'm a good person, which i am not. unfortunately. for the time being.
i AM a good person deep down bad things have happened to but that's no excuse for being so vulnerably feeble and living under so much. i could do it so much better and you make me want to do it so much better, you make me want to live up to my 'reputation', to be a better person who deserves all that appreciation and love and all those beautiful feelings you have for me.
you inspire me and that's the most i can wish for from a friend. from any other human being basically, and calling you my friend makes me so proud and happy inside.
i want to share the feeling your actions awoke in me.
i'm so grateful for whoever, whatever organised my fate this way,
i'm such a lucky person to love you.
becoming x
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