i started it all over again

and it came across just as usual
-seemingly from nothing, for a good reason for real-
sometimes i wonder if i make these immense efforts to avoid
being let down - as we know perfectly they all are the same (they are all the same!)
with heads up high, keeping themselves much above the surface,
putting themselves first, so at least only in this respect
why should i be different ?
words are golden - trust no one.
so this is for no other being but for the one that makes this happen
(and regarding this, to a certain level you can screw it)

if only

tonight we could sleep - not necessarily
i could turn back time - i don't really think that would help. quite not..
i'd like to be at the end of the road, safe + sound, over.
for the very first time in my life i'm scared to death for my-own-self, yes.
how the fuc.k am i going to sort this one out?
this lot, i mean
suppose i'll have to become my own pshychiatrist again
find the strings, stretch them. thus strenghen them, make them so tight so that they can never
get ripped off. well, not before their time comes..